mary has asked me to update her diary tonight for everyone's entertainment, but left me with no stipulations about context.

(((she threatened to hit me in the face with a shovel if i didn't do this.)))

she asked me very kindly and sweetly to add a little something here. something the whole family can enjoy.

(((she's standing behind me right now a pair of pliars and a blowtorch!!!)))

where was i? ah yes. isn't mary great folks? yeah, she's the queen in our world. the light of our days and the serenity of our evenings. come everyone, say "we love you mary!".

(((say it dammit!!! she's got a corkscrew to my neck!!!)))

her entries here are just the coolest. like the one about the cat with bad hair cut. or even the asscandy one. they just so totally and completely rock that one just can't help themselves but enjoy the "i can't believe it's not butter" feeling you get from being privy to mary's entries.

(((oh dear god it hurts she's jamming toothpicks into my kneecaps help me!!!)))

yeah, no one at diaryland can compare to our mary. she's

(((aaahhhh it burns!!!)))

one of a kind. a goddess

(((kill me now dear god make it stop!!!)))

amongst us mere

(((my legs i can't feel my legs!!!)))

mortals here

(((no no not the beltsander no i aaaaahhhhhh!!!)))

at diaryland.

editor's note: no persons were harmed in the making of this entry, save for some random dorko we found hanging around the circle k down the street. we figured no one would notice.

thank you, and goodnight.